You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
