What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
