My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
