i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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