I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
