i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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