How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
