And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Randomize
