Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
