the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
