this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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