I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
