So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize