so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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