Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Randomize