if i can run in heels then i can drive
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
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