The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
No...this little piggys going to the bar
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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