I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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