I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize