She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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