brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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