dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
