I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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