just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Randomize
