You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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