he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
