If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
