She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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