I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
