you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
