We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
They have beer where we have blood.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
