did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
