even my farts smell like vagina
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I just got carded by a ten year old.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Randomize
