return my video game
nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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