So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
