when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
