This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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