If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
