I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
