All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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