is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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