were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
