mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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