I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
