i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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