just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Church boner. Awkwardddd
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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