I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
