He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
