There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
