I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
