you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize
