Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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