The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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