Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
