In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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