The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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