Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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