the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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