just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
You are a genius and a whore.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
