This girl is more easily done than said...
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
