Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
