You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
