my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Randomize
