I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
