So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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