guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
