dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
